Like a Man

I get in bed after helping NK with a nightmare about a friend stealing one of her toys (traumatic, I know). And when I hop in bed husband makes a horrible loud sound "kkkkkrrrrrrrr" pause "kkkkkrrrrrrrr" like the grinding sound of a car not starting. Startled and kind of terrified I scream, "What are you doing?" He confidently replies "You are going to go get some food for our machine, like a man."  "What machine?" I inquire. "The slot machine."

Toddler Trouble

I wake up and I hear a very stern very loud:
"No ma'am!"
With his back still turned toward me and still sound asleep he asks me, "Did you see that?"
"What she do?" I pried (knowing by the tone of his voice he was dreaming about our toddler).
"She just threw my camera." A second passes. "Mutter.. it's somewhere around here."

Neighbors

Sleeping husband starts laughing and muttering.
"What?" I pry.
"Just a bunch of neighbors" he says with a smile.
"Where?"
"Standing around."
"What are they doing?"
Mutter, mutter... "deadbolts."

Behind the Madness
He has been reading about bump-keys. I hope he's not planning on using them on the neighbors deadbolts!