Like a Man

I get in bed after helping NK with a nightmare about a friend stealing one of her toys (traumatic, I know). And when I hop in bed husband makes a horrible loud sound "kkkkkrrrrrrrr" pause "kkkkkrrrrrrrr" like the grinding sound of a car not starting. Startled and kind of terrified I scream, "What are you doing?" He confidently replies "You are going to go get some food for our machine, like a man."  "What machine?" I inquire. "The slot machine."

Too Many Flowers

I climb into bed after a middle of the night feeding:

"Oh no!" the sleeping husband cries.
"What?" I say.
He mumbles something unintelligible, so I ask again.
"That was a lotttttttt of flowers. I don't know what they're doing!" he says with a surprising amount of sass.  He then proceeds to fervently start drumming his fingers on his chest.